Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead

I'm working on my final paper for my Composition II class - a comparative analysis of Hamlet by William Shakespeare and Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead by Tom Stoppard. I felt like sharing some of the funnier quotes I found in my reading.


COLORS
"The colors red, blue, and green are real. The colour yellow is a mystical experience shared by everybody..." -Guildenstern, Act 1


TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THE DIRECTION OF THE WIND
"GUIL: I'm trying to establish the direction of the wind.
ROS: There isn't any wind. Draught, yes.
GUIL: In that case, the origin. Trace it to its source and it might give us a rough idea of the way we came in - rough idea of south, for further reference.
ROS: It's coming up throughout the floor. (He studies the floor.) That can't be south, can it?
GUIL: That's not a direction. Lick your toe and wave it around a bit.

ROS considers the distance of his foot.

ROS: No, I think you'd have to lick it for me.

Pause.

GUIL: I'm prepared to let the whole matter drop."

BRAINPOWER

"GUIL: You can still think, can't you?

ROS: I think so." 

ENGLAND?

"ROS: I don't believe in it anyway.

GUIL: What?

ROS: England.

GUIL: Just a conspiracy of cartographers, then?"

THE QUESTION GAME

"ROS: Do you want to play questions?

GUIL: How do you play that?

ROS: You have to ask a question.

GUIL: Statement. One - love.

ROS: Cheating.

GUIL: How?

ROS: I haven't started yet.

GUIL: Statement. Two - love.

ROS: Are you counting that?

GUIL: What?

ROS: Are you counting that?

GUIL: Foul. No repetition. Three - love and game.

ROS: I'm not going to play if you're going to be like that."


PIRATES
"PLAYER: Pirates could happen to anyone..."

My goodness, a few of the scenes in this play crack me up! I hope you enjoyed them.